A Shot in the Head
by oneshotattack
Summary: [ ONESHOT: slightyura ]Aerith's vegetable concoctions do wonders to your brain, I swear.


Hello everybody. I just felt like doing a one-shot. I'm crazy. Anyways, it's Christmas here today and to all the readers, Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! Hohoho! May you drink lots of eggnog and eat lots of fried chicken! Taiwan was rather fun, even though it seemed that the Teletubbies were very popular there. Hee, glee.

Disclaimer: If you really have no clue, you could go check out the Kingdom Hearts Official page. Have a nice day :D

For people who are too lazy to go to the page, I am not Disney or Square-enix secretly in disguise. I am a poor tramp with no money. Hurrah to me. I don't own Kingdom Hearts.

Oh yes, this is mostly in Yuffie's POV.

Feels weird to me, but ah wells. Just experimenting and playing around.

A Shot in the Head

-

Damn.

Someone must have screwed my brain up, and put my mushy brain mash back into the wrong sockets yesterday.

Since when did I agree to Aerith's pleas to show that icky, little kid she calls "super-upper-duper-whooper-bumper-ooper-duper-wuper-cute" around just because he's staying for a while in the hotel and is totally new to this diversely populated town?

And when did I jot down his name on a small piece of paper at her request and kept it folded in my pocket?

And why does Aerith tell me all these things only in the morning, while serving me coffee and inviting the kid from his hotel room over for ten nice pancakes?

And the kid, as Aerith had fondly referred to as, doesn't look that young to be calling a bear Mister Puddles and to be playing with his cereal. In fact, he looks about my age. But he's still younger, and anyone younger than me is a kid to me. Hah. Eat your pants, random kid who ate pancakes for breakfast. I practise a great thing called hypocrisy.

I am a ninja. There are more important things out there that require my attention.

Like being all ninja-like and annoying around Squall-Leon person, cleaning the dishes for a stash of Cloud's munny, stealing candy from little kids, jumping from building to building, giving Cid a massage for munny, spying around on Aerith to see if will give in to those huge packs of Cheese-Flavoured Chips that Squall-Leon person had given her because I tossed them in his basket while he was grocery shopping, along with ten packs of skittles and a carton of Pocky. It's amazing how he didn't notice. Probably it's just those muscles of his.

And why I call Squall-Leon person Squall-Leon person? Because his name is Squall Leonhart in his birth certificate but he insists on being called Leon, for some weird reason. So I decided to be fair to both of us, or rather as Squall-Leon person puts it, to be fair to me, he was to be christened "Squall-Leon person". I don't know why he insists on being called "Leon" though. Either it was "that" time of the month when he decided or he thought it would be cool to be called Leon Leonhart and give the authorities a hell of a time at the airport.

I usually avoid him during "that" time of the month, you know? It's scary the way he swings his gunblade thing here and there and everywhere and the way those birds, chipmunks, squirrels and whatnot scatter away when he trains. I hate Squall-Leon person's "that" time of the month.

I swear, heads go rolling when he trains with targets. Only Barbie heads, though.

Speaking of heads, I admit that my head is darn big. It's bigger than Squall-Leon person's world map globe thing on his desk – which I happened to ruin with a shuriken just yesterday by practising my mad ninja skills in his room. Happy now Squall-Leon person?

Side note, I'm one whole Yuffie head shorter than the kid.

Only.

-

Why am I, the Great Ninja, here, in a kiddy carnival with some random kid of all things?

And mind you, that's a capital "G" and "N" for "Great Ninja".

And double mind you, a ninja in the freshly born mornings of a time at 1000 isn't exactly a very pleasant thing to look at and endure with.

Considering my face was contorted in weird positions which clearly showed my discontent with the cruel world, the day, the kid and the coffee I drank daily did not help to hide my eyebags. Damn you Cloud for lying to me.

I now proclaim that Aerith is an evil witch.

I was still at my fifth cup of coffee before Aerith the evil witch had insisted I drag my fat butt out of the house as it wasn't nice to be late on the opening day of the carnival. And being half awake, I said, "Sure".

I don't know how she managed to trick me thrice. Probably her constant saying of "the super -upper-duper-whooper-bumper-ooper-duper-wuper-cute kid" attacked the little brain cells I had left after my other brain cells were killed just trying to acknowledge the fact that Aerith had cooked an unhealthy dinner of fried chicken and fries last night. I didn't think he was very super -upper-duper-whooper-bumper-ooper-duper-wuper-cute.

Either that or she drugged me with her vegetable juice mixture.

Oh yay, the kid is prancing about, and muttering about getting some cotton candy or something. My mind's not in synch with the world. Oh whee, we're headed to the raffle booth now after taking the teacup ride thing. And did he call me by my name, Yuffie? Yuffie, Yuffie, Yuffie. It's the Great Ninja to you, kiddo. And here we are at the raffle(?) booth. I hate soft toys. They're so useless and they take up space and –

Ooh, a gigantic Moogle plush toy.

So being the crazed Moogle fanatic I was, I grabbed a gun from the old man standing next to me. Did I ever mention I practise hypocrisy?

_Bang._ One. Shelf supporting Moogle plush toy.

_Bang. _Two. Barely flew past Moogle's antenna thing on its head.

Man, I can't be that bad a sharpshooter.

_Bang. _Three. It hit a little girl's eye.

I wish these toy guns had real ammunition in it. But then again, I might just miss hitting my head.

I tossed the gun to the kid, who grabbed the gun like a dog and a ball.

Now I am an emo wreck and depressed soul.

And to think I promised Cloud to wash his clothes when I reached home from my Super Fun Outing With a Random Kid.

And why am I ranting in my head?

Proves I'm getting weirder and weirder. Oh well, if Cloud gives me those cloth thingys on his sword to clean, I will s –

_BANG._

…Ouch. My head. And that stupid kid is laughing.

I have a good mind to smack him right now and shoot him with the plastic bullet.

DIE KID DIE...Um.

-

She found herself with a huge Moogle plush toy in her arms, which were stretched out to commence her attack on the kid. The kid just flashed her a grin and she found the strangely contorted face of hers loosening up into a full fledged smile.

"Just thought you looked rather upset and all, and it was to thank you too. Besides, it's Christmas soon." He ran a hand through his hair and gave a bashful, sweet smile which made Yuffie want to eat him up.

She put down the Moogle Plush toy.

"Gee, thanks –" Yuffie released one arm from the bear hug she had been giving him and stealthily produced a piece of paper from her pocket.

"Super -upper-duper-whooper-bumper-ooper-duper-wuper-cute Sora."

Aerith wasn't exaggerating after all.

-

Yay, I'm done and tired. Goodnight to all and have a nice day :D Happy New Year and many more to come. If it rains, please bring an umbrella.

Trust me. Byebye and I send my love to everyone :D


End file.
